you don’t understand i would sell my firstborn to know how this story started
Well it all started when Mrs. Hayfer wanted me to babysit her dumb house. When I got the keys, I sat them on top of this pie that I found on the counter. I knew it was going to be given to the family for desert if I didn’t eat it soon, so I was going to plan to eat it in my teacher’s house and dump all the crumbs on her bed. So it’s a win-win, right? Besides, she wouldn’t find out about the crumbs until after I was paid, and this teacher hates me anyway. Then, I got distracted when this hot cheerleader calls me, asking about what movie I’d recommend, but before I could answer, I realize that my mom would be there any second to serve dinner, and there was no way I was sharing that pie. So I bust out of there with the pie and the keys, and the moment I get in the house, I start chowing down on the pie with my bare hands, trying to eat this thing before anyone knows I took it, right? Well, since the pie crust was dry, I chugged a 2-liter bottle of soda whenever my throat would get dry and eventually, I really needed “to go.” Only when I went to flush, the water wouldn’t stop flowing and there was no plunger to be found. Usually I’d just shrug and say it was Josh’s fault or something, but let’s get real here, Mrs. Hayfer would’ve blamed me about her toilet overflowing if I was 30 states away. So I jammed my foot in there, hoping it’d make the toilet stop flushing. Then my phone rings, and I knew it was my mom, asking where her pie went, and because Meghan decided it’d be a great idea to make my ring tone a bunch of cats meowing, Mrs. Hayfer’s dog, Tiberius starts freaking out, bashing into the door over and over again. Now anyone who knows this dog knows that this dog will happily eat anything, and that includes the pie, and probably myself. So my foot’s totally stuck in there right, I’m freaking out, the dog’s having a seizure and I still got half a pie left.
This guy tried to stage a “white heritage(Klan)” rally in my town, I don’t think he got the turnout he was hoping for. - Imgur
i love my people
some makeup companies literally ignore the existence of black people and its so fucking infuriating bc they’ll have 10 different variations of pretty much the same beige but they’ll only have one or two darker colors if any at all and im so tired of hearing people rave about amazing products that i’ll never be able to try
This happens to my friends a lot!
holy hell i can hear the fuckin snark in my head omfg.
- moses: let my people go
- pharaoh: man what is WITH these sjws
this is amazing.
This is tripping me out..
The longer you stare the weirder it gets lol
ummm zac efron at the mtv movie awards right now
what are u doing
why am i not there right now
im going to cry
It’s okay guys, I’m crying too. After all, we’re all in this together.
oh no you didn’t just..
Daily #492! Some days may even be a bit of both.